Religion

I admitted this guy to the hospital a few nights ago. I asked how he ended up there, and he started with, "Well you see, I'm a very religious person..."

This is almost always a bad sign. Nothing against religion, but it can take marginally crazy people and push them right over the edge. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "God is talking to me" or "The devil is in my head". Why doesn't anyone ever hear Uncle Leo? or a furry little rabbit? or a GI Joe? I digress.

This guy has been smoking weed and PCP, every other day, for 13 years. Except for the 6+ years he was in prison for his 7 felonies. A couple weeks ago, he was partying with some buddies, then decided to go into a bedroom to pray, while high. "I was talking real fast, real stupid, Doc, and I said some bad things. I blasphemed God. I felt really bad. I started thinking about what I should do about it. Then I remembered the passage that said 'God said you should cut off what offends him.'"

So a few days later, he was partying at a friend's house again (he's always at a friend's house because he has no house), and he busted out a steak knife and cut his tongue off. Not all of it, just the distal 1/3. Then, his caring friend, who had a bunch of warrants, dragged the patient into the front yard of the house next door with his tongue in his pocket, and called 911. Which was nice, because what would a guy with no tongue tell the dispatcher? "Ahhhhhh thit! I cut oth tha thip of my thucking thung!"

By the time I talked to him, his tongue was sutured back on. He was happy he did it. "My relationship with God is more calm now. I wonder what my future will be like with this speech problem. But I did the right thing. I shouldn't have blasphemed."

I tried to rationalize with him about other Bible teachings, like how we were created in God's image. If that's true, wouldn't cutting of your tongue be equal to cutting of God's tongue? "I never heard that before." Funny since he's very religious (refer to paragraph one.)

I think the passage is Matthew 5:30

"And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off and cast it from thee; for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell."

Taken in context, it seems most likely Jesus is speaking in parable or even sarcasm.

Think about it the next time some Bible thumpers gives you a literal, concrete translation of a Bible passage.

Sunday school is over. Drugs are bad.

-Psych Doc