Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest

Here are a few dumbest snake incidents I have seen:

Patient 1: Snake bit his thumb. How you might ask?? Well...he was clever enough to get the snake in a 2 liter coke bottle...but he couldn't find the lid to the coke bottle. So instead he used his thumb to cover the top of the bottle. Didn't take the snake long to bite his finger. I noticed he was missing the tip of his thumb on the other hand. Why?? B/c he had done the SAME EXACT thing in the past. Idiot.

Patient 2: This time a female stops on the side of the road b/c she saw a cool looking snake. She grabbed a long stick and decides to poke it. I have no clue why.......bc she was dying from the venom after being bit and I had to put her on a ventilator.

Patient 3: This guy caught the snake, picked it up, and was holding it in the air. With his other hand, he pulled out his gun and tried to shoot the snake. Let's just say he missed the snake...but got his brother in the shoulder.

For some reason all the patients I see bit by snakes are white, have less teeth than the snake, wear cut off tee shirts with the confederate flag on it, live in a trailer, and have a relative named Bubba. Irony I guess. "Emergency Medicine, defying natural selection one patient at a time."

-ER Doc

See Doc Sensitive's old post on a snake bite here


Anonymous said...

I was Director of Medical Records in a rural hospital and came in to work one morning only to find a quart jar sitting on my desk with a coral snake in it. After calming down I put on my detective hat and learned that a patient had been bitten by it the night before and "We thought you would need to document what kind of snake it was SO WE BROUGHT IT TO YOU TO LOOK UP"
ANY ONE HEARD OF PAPER!! Love your site - can relate to everything you say!

Pissed Off Patient said...

Oh wow. The stupidity.

I once almost put my hand in a nook where a baby pit viper was sleeping while hiking in Costa Rica. I didn't see it at first. Not stupid, just looking for a hand hold.


HugeMD said...

Yeah, it's you guys' fault the world has come to what it has! Yeah, well, and the reproductive endocrinologists (cough*octomom*cough) probably bear some responsibility, too! :D

Anonymous said...

"For some reason all the patients I see bit by snakes are black, have less teeth than the snake, wear baggy pants, live in the ghetto and have a relative named Shaniqua."
You'd rightfully be considered a racist if you said that about blacks. And yet change the adjectives and it's oh-so-hipster to say it about whites.
The story was very amusing without the socioethnic dig.

SerentiyNowHosptial said...

Oh please anonymous....did your feelings get hurt? Have you been bitten by a snake? You should know from this blog not to read if you are thin skinned! Its a joke bc it is very true! There is a whole medical mnemonic in medicine about people getting bit by snakes that I DID NOT make up. It's called the 5 T's that increase your risk of being bit by a snake; Toothless, Trailer Park, white Trash, and reTook the 2nd grade Twice.

My blogging partners are good ole white boys from the country. I am sure they have family members who have been bitten by a snake and don't mind the joke.

Lighten up,

ER Doc

DreamingTree said...

LOL -- the 5 T's apply to many, many medical phenomena! "You may be a redneck if..."

Bubba said...

WTF....what have I done to you that you are now dissin my clan and homies!

Anonymous said...

no stereotype is touchless. we should feel free to bash them all in good spirit. keep it up

SerentiyNowHosptial said...

Bubba...I appreciate your continued support on this blog. I am sure you and your clan are the exception to the rule

er doc

Bubba said...

Ye ain't kiddin. We stopped peein in the bush since Grampa got bit in his pecker again. Nobody wants to suck the poison out on account thats how Granma died last time.
We are careful folk, ya know..

Amy in NC said...

My brother is a physician and spent a few years in the Navy after he finished med school. He had a guy come into the base ER with a rattlesnake bite. The idiot and a friend where playing catch with the snake.

allison said...

I feel sure most of these patients' last words were, "Hey, Y'all...Watch 'iss."

Anonymous said...

Considering how just about every warm blooded animal seems to have an instinctual aversion to snakes and things snake like you really have to wonder what's failing in these persons.

Me said...

My company works with threatened and endangered species. One of which is a rattlesnake. You wouldn't believe how often we're out on a project and the local yocals will come up to us and spin a yarn about how they shot/ran over/stomped/drowned some of "them suckers" last week/month/ family reunion.