Fun With Foley's!

Foley catheters are thin, long tubes that are inserted to the urethra to drain the bladder. One end stays in the bladder, and the other is connected to a bag on the outside of the body for the urine to go into. Usually these are placed temporarily. Sometimes they are placed for prolonged periods of time and can be strapped onto a patient's leg for them to go home with

I picked up a chart with the chief complaint of "Change Foley." It struck me as strange as this is not an emergency department complaint or issue. I went to see the patient....a very strange white women in her 7o's, wheeling around to and fro in her wheelchair wearing. She was wearing a ratty old robe that was dragging on the ground. Her hair resembled Einstein's, and she had a fair amount of silver facial hair prickling out of her chin. Her husband had no teeth and never stopped talking, although his words were incomprehensible. These 2 were serving as great entertainment for the rest of our crazy patients.

I asked her what she came to the ER for. "To get a new foley. Put one in now Im ready for it," she screeched. I asked her why she needed one...and she didn't know. I asked her what happened to her old one, and she said she took it out. So....I asked her why and when she took it out. She said she took it out when she got to the ER so she could get a new one. I said ok and that I would be right back.

The nurses ran to me and all screamed that they weren't changing that crazy ladies foley again. They explained to me that she "get's her jolley's" from having her foley changed. She comes to the ER to go into a room with a nurse, expose herself, and help change the foley. They said she prefers male nurses, would spread her labia herself, extend a finger to her happy place, and moan and groan while the nurse would insert the foley. She loved "helping" during the insertion. It was the grossest thing I ever heard.

At first I tried to be a tough doc and refuse to give in. But this lady would follow me in her wheel chair while I saw other patients and screem at me to change the damn foley. Her husband was right behind her mumbling like the coach from The Water Boy. I had a department full of patients and didn't have time for this crap, so eventually I gave in and sent her to a room. Then...I couldn't find a nurse to do the job. I had to find a neive nursing student, give her the order, and NOT, tell her what she was about to get into.

I listened on the other side of the door as the student nurse gave this demented old hag what she wanted. Sure enough it sounded like some sick porn in there. The old lady left satisfied, and I haven't seen the student nurse back.

ER Doc