Saturday, October 3, 2009

Cuts like a butter knife


A 45 yo strange looking female arrived to the ED with chief complaint of "bright red blood per rectum." I went into the room and asked her "What brought you in today?"

She kind of avoided eye contact but matter of factly stated, "I have been constipated for the past three days, so I took a butter knife from my kitchen drawer and I used the knife to alleviate my constipation. After the first bowel movement, I noticed blood in the toilet. I am not very concerned, but my family made me come in to ensure nothing serious was happening."

Sometimes, it's difficult to maintain a professional demeanor. I had to put the chart over my face to avoid smiling and laughing at this poor patient. I had many questions I wanted to ask, such as "Is this a normal dinner discussion in your family? Wouldn't you keep that a secret?" Nevertheless, I decided to avoid any additional questions because I didn't really want any answers.

I did a though anal exam with an anal scope to look for deep cuts in her anus. Thankfully, it appeared nothing was seriously injured in her butter escape hole. I discharged her with a script for a stool softener and gave her strict ED warnings to avoid butter knifes.

I can believe its not butter!

-Doc Sensitive

13 comments:

S said...

Butter escape hole!!! That one made me snort! I hope she ran that knife through the dishwasher.

Gert said...

I used to love butter.

Thanks.

Gia's Spot said...

Ewwwwwwww....(that just about covers it for me!)

Anonymous said...

Ya know, I thought I was the only one that thought dinner tasted like sh*t...now I know. lol

Bubba said...

Run it through the dishwasher!!! eeewwww. Throw that knife away please. BTW tell her next time to use a spoon, yuck!

Anonymous said...

Seems pretty clear cut (ha!) to me, that she is not afraid of too much "sliding" in her back door...

Wow. All I can manage @ the moment is wow.

Mrs E said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cringe!

Anonymous said...

Just wondering, did Ms. Perfect table manner, thought of using a knife as opposed to spoon or fork, because she used it between her buns?

Calladus said...

At least she didn't use the Steak knife.

Trust us....we're doctors said...

I bet that after you finished the rectal exam, when you turned away to throw away the exam gloves, you heard "Parkay" coming from the nether region.

-Psych Doc

RehabNurse said...

Doc:

Gotta tell the kids at work about this...we're all about bowels on a rehab unit.

And the patients think a dig stim hurts!

ndenunz said...

Did you know constipated mathematicians work it out with a pencil?

Anonymous said...

WOW, that is all I can say to this one.... And don't eat dinner at her house. =(