Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Twilight Zone

In the psych ER, most of the patients are kept in a large open room so they can be monitored. There are a few beds in private rooms that are reserved for people that are medically ill (i.e. with foleys or ostomies, see prior posts) or sometimes for patients who are extremely loud and disruptive. These rooms are, for the most part, vacant.

When you walk into the unit, you have to pass right by these private rooms. I showed up for call one night and heard somebody singing that "Day-O" banana boat song. I went to get some coffee before starting the shift then walked onto the unit. "Day-O" had stopped by now. I walked past the first room, and I heard this loud bark that scared the crap out of me. It wasn't the volume that startled me, but the direction it came from-it was low to the ground, just like a Rottweiler would be.

I looked over my shoulder, and things just started getting weirder. There was a huge black woman with no legs, who still probably weighed over 300 pounds. She was scooting around on the floor, a la Eddie Murphy on Trading Places, except this lady didn't have a skateboard or sunglasses. To make matters worse, she was obviously on her period, and she was leaving a brownish-red trail like breadcrumbs so you could see everywhere she's been. It reminded me of when your dog has worms and drags his dirty ass all over your carpet.

As soon as we made eye contact, she said "How you doin', Boo?" I walked away to hear her seranading me with another round of "Day-o."

-Psych Doc

p.s. "Shoo, Shoo, retarded flu"

11 comments:

Brian and Jennifer said...

absolutely disgusting, yet strangely hilarious.

LivingDeadNurse said...

omg lol..the things you guys see...keep them coming

jen91 said...

Thank you for the new background color, it is so much better on the eyes! I love reading you posts. I am a RN student and just can't wait for the next post. Please hurry.

Naomi said...

I swear I've cared for this woman! Was she a chain smoker and compulsive liar as well?

Anonymous said...

Golly, this post is much too well written, as I will no doubt have this mental image (pun intended!) pop into my brain all day today.

ITA with jen91, the new background is a HUGE improvement. The red was eye-catching, but tended to torture and torment siad eyes clear back to the optic chiasm. My over-50 eyeballs and brain thank you.

Pattie, RN

Anonymous said...

Another reason I love being a psych nurse...it keeps me laughing so I dont go cocoa puffs too

Steve said...

great and timely Stern reference! One of my favorite bits.

Anonymous said...

Do you think she's got worms....Day-O, mi dede mi dede mide day-o, daylight come and mi wanna go home.

Lilorfnannie said...

Oh my goodness, I want to buy her skateboard thingie just to get that image out of my mind. That would be money well-spent in my book. Ewwwwww-

Mel said...

Dogs don't drag their ass because of worms. People get pinworms, but dogs do not. They do so because of impacted anal glands or just because they itch and don't have fingers to scratch it.

-ER Vet

Cassie said...

Now that song is stuck in my head!