Thursday, June 17, 2010

Oprah and Medical Advice

A 49 year old female with high blood pressure came in last night about 11pm. She was very big and jolly, had on a huge bow that made her resemble Minnie Mouse, and spoke in the highest voice I have ever heard from an adult before.

Me: "Hello, I am ER Doc. What brings you in tonight?"

Oprah's Twin: "I have been gaining a lot of weight lately. I used to only be 200 pounds. Now I shot up to 300. I walk to get my mail lately to stay in shape. So something has to be wrong."

Me: "Are you eating more chips and fatty foods."

Oprah's Twin: BLANK STARE FOR TEN SECONDS. "I watch Oprah. Her weight changes like mine, and she said that we should get our thyroid levels checked. I would like that done, get my cholesterol checked, and have an EKG and CXR."

Me: BLANK STARE BACK AT YA, then talking slow me so my words might make it through her fat head. "Ma'am, this is the ER. Those aren't emergent tests, and you have no symptoms to warrant a CXR and EKG. And I think Oprah's problem has more to do with her munchies.....Do you have a primary doctor to see? You know, the one that prescribes you your high blood pressure medicines?"

Oprah's Twin: "Yes, yes I do. But you have to call her and make an appointment! And then it might take 2 weeks to get in!"

Me: "If your doctor can see you in 2 weeks, you have a pretty good doctor. Call tomorrow and make an appointment. Goodbye."

---This went on for about ten minutes. She just didn't get it. I hope she doesn't watch Dr. Phil too....or else Psych Doc might get a visit from her. That is....if he is still around. Where have my co bloggers gone?!?!

-ER Doc


Zoe said...

We all know Oprah and her twins have a hormonal problem. It is cruel of us docs to keep that magic pills to ourselves and not share with the public. That is why the average doc is svelte, good looking and so young for his/her age.

tracy said...

Dr. Phil......eeeeeewwwwww......'s called being hungry sometimes....and exercise!

tracy said...

i get all my health and weight loss advice from Oprah....uh huh.

Anonymous said...

I don't understand how so many American housewives drink the Oprah Kool-Aid.

From a woman who's never been married or had any kids.

Oprah is the equivalent of Hugh Hefner. If wives can live like her, then husbands can live like him.

-Larry Flynt