Friday, May 21, 2010

Common Sense


A common phrase in the ER is "You can't fix stupid." Here are a few stupid things I have observed lately in the ER.

  • A 33 year old Hispanic male came in for chest pain. I asked him what made the pain go away. He said taking his cholesterol pill took care of the pain, so it must be his heart. Yeah genius....daily cholesterol meds don't fix acute pain.
  • A 29 year old female came in for pelvic pain. She could barely walk. Why? Bc on exam she had horrible herpes. She was so confused. How could she have herpes....she has only been with her husband...and there is no way he has been with anyone else! Naive.
  • Patient came in with chief complaint of "my nose feels too warm."
  • A 41 year old female who wanted her prescription in liquid form b/c she can't swallow pills.
  • A 15 year old male who came into the ER for the 2nd time b/c when he lays flat then flexes his stomach, he see's a bulge in his lower abdomen. He was skinny. The bulge was his freaking abdominal muscle.
  • An overprotective mom brings in her 9 year old son for a fever. How high? 102. She was concerned b/c he usually doesn't run 'high fevers.' Her daughter, on the other hand, always runs high fevers so she doesn't worry bout her getting a temp of 102. But mama's lil boy isn't supposed to get that hot I guess. Please.
  • A 22 year old female came in b/c she had vaginal bleeding. Her last period was 2 months prior. She never took a pregnancy test, and assumed she was pregnant when she missed a month. So when she started bleeding, painlessly I might add, she came in to make sure she wasn't miscarrying. She STILL hadn't taken a home pregnancy test. We did one and it was negative. Congratulations dumb ass, you started your period.
  • This brings up other stupidity....EVERY patient that comes to the damn ER to get a pregnancy test when we use the same shit the dollar store sells.

-ER Doc

16 comments:

"Red" Merriweather Coast said...

Yet you can't spell "genius" or "naive."

Genius said...

ever hear of dysphagia genius? some people find it impossible to swallow pills, it's not that uncommon - or stupid!

Trust us....we're doctors said...

Aw genius...does it hurt when you swallow cum? No the bitch didn't swallow pills because she was being a baby and didn't like pills. Had nothing to do with pain. Stop being such an enabler. And sorry I didn't check my spell check first. Im a doctor not a fucking teacher.

ER Doc

arzt4empfaenger said...

Even *if* it was dysphagia and not just someone being stupid about swallowing pills - it's not an acute case for the ER, which makes stuff, that might be normal for a general practitioner, moronic. All these people probably *felt* ill or worried more or less, but again, they're mostly NOT emergencies, thus the harsh ER-specific critique is justified. Even Mrs. Herpes could have gone to her OB/GYN.

(No, as a GP I'd probably not want to see some of them, either, but that's a different story.)

Anonymous said...

"thus the harsh ER-specific critique is justified."
I agree. Maybe the reason the stupid went to an emergency is because they have no money for a scheduled appointment.
Mrs. Herpes problem sounds too painful to wait though.

tracy said...

Ummmm, "bitch"....."dumb-ass"...a little harsh....but, you have the blog to vent on, right?
Ouch.
i truly admire doctors...well, i used to...still do..eh, whatever....

tracy said...

Everyone isn't as smart as doctors....some of us are just plain stupid bitches.

Anonymous said...

the 15 yo doesn't technically count - all 15 yo's are stupid

Anonymous said...

The herpes was probably pretty painful, and given she was pretty naive and sounds like she didn't know what it was (and it likely was a primary infection), I could see why she came in. The 15 year old isn't smart (no 15 year olds are) but where were his parents to NOT bring him into the ED? No no, where were they BOTH times when he came in? Good lord.

I personally cannot stand to write prescriptions for liquids for adults that "cannot take pills". If you can chew food and swallow it in bits the size of pills, then you can swallow a pill. Dysphagia doesn't necessarily mean you cannot swallow a pill, and just because you "cannot swallow a pill" doesn't mean you have dysphagia. Most (but not all) pills can also be crushed, but gosh forbid people take control of their health care and ask the pharmacist that question when they pick the pill up. OBVIOUSLY, if you have comorbid medical conditions with swallowing difficulties, then what I wrote doesn't apply. I just dislike wusses. See them often in my clinic.

arzt4empfaenger said...

"Mrs. Herpes problem sounds too painful to wait though."
Yeah, thinking about it that's true, I guess. I've never had herpes, so I don't know how fast you start to really suffer when it shows up... I just thought that usually, when one gets something remotely unusual on the own body, especially in the genital area, the normal conclusion would be to go and have it checked. I forgot that genital herpes doesn't always presents as clearly visible lesions on the outside but can also reach up inwards up to the cervix, probably causing a rather dubious general feeling of illness.
Her naivete is/was eyeroll-worthy, but she really is a poor bugger for having such a stupid a.. of a husband.

If you can't vent in your blog, where else? I'd rather have that than someone being a general ass in front of the few nice patients.

tracy said...

Someone was in a pretty rotten mood when they wrote this entry...

tracy said...

i had this super naieve belief that at the core, doctors were supposed to be "caring"... at least at some level...guess that wears off in residency...

SerenityNow said...

Yes...venting and having fun is the point of the blog. Have to be on your best behavior everywhere else. We all think things....and this is where you get to say it.

As far as the herpes....the point wasn't if it was appropriate for the ER or not. Its a good arguement either way on that front. The point was she was so sure it couldn't be an STD b/c her husband wouldn't cheat on her

-ER DOC

HugeMD said...

How about:

20-year-old: I've been lightheaded the last few days (it's been 90+ degrees and like a sauna).

Me: How much water do you drink everyday?

Her: 1 glass. But not everyday. Most days none. I don't eat much food, either. I never eat breakfast.

Me: [speechless]

Her: But I drink 2 or 3 2-liters of Pepsi most days.

Me: [more speechless--is that possible]

OK, I'm not the posterchild for healthy eating, but I'd feel like SHIT if I lived solely on Pepsi. Not surprisingly, all labs normal. Treatment: More food and water. Less Pepsi.

DreamingTree said...

"Aw genius...does it hurt when you swallow cum?"

Wow, ER Doc... But, I agree that she's a baby. Imagine what she's going to be like once she's a LOL. Ugh...

Anonymous said...

I had a guy come in after noticing a "white dot in the corner of my eyelid on the left."

Lacrimal duct. Score.