Thursday, September 16, 2010

Yet Again, The Rectal Fun Continues

Ironically the day I posted the last rectal fun post, another one came in that night.

This time it was 3am and a 65 year old male! He looked like Doc Brown from back to the future. He was thin, disheveled, and had thin wirery hair. Of course he came in complaining of constipation.

Me: "Hello sir, what brings you in today?"

Crazy Old Man: "I am really constipated. I have been receiving less of my social security money lately b/c they are taking it all for child support. So I have been living off of bread and water and it has made me really constipated. It hurts really bad. I think if you just give me something to have a big bowel movement I will be fine."

Me: I didn't say anything yet, but had a really confused look on my face that this old man said he is paying freaking child support from social security. So after the long pause he said.....

Crazy Old Man: "OK, I will be honest with you. I'm not constipated. I was having vigorous anal sex with myself and now I am in a lot of pain."

Me: Totally taken aback..."What do you mean you were having anal sex with yourself?"

Crazy Old Man: "Like with a Dildo, but I am not gay."

You know the rest from here. Dildo stuck in rectum. Taken to surgery to get it out...blah blah blah. I wonder if this is the first time Medicare had to pay for a dildo removal from rectum.

-ER Doc


arzt4empfaenger said...

Haha, excellent. "Like with a Dildo, but I am not gay." That's their biggest fear, isn't it? Not that someone would think they're pleasuring themselves, but the association of homosexuality (not that I understand that at all).

The Doc Brown image is top.

Sarah G said...

"I wonder if this is the first time Medicare had to pay for a dildo removal from rectum."

Based on some of the blogs I've seen, I suspect not.

Anonymous said...

I would just like to state for the record: I am gay, yet amazingly, I have never gotten a foreign object stuck in any orifice.

Fister said...

RE anon:

nice that you come out being gay anonymously. i am sure your rectum is so stretched from all your anal fisting that it is impossible for you to get anything stuck in your rectum. you could probably easily slide a milk carton in your rectum.

ER Murse said...

Nice pic of Doc Brown doing his "I slipped and sat down hard on a Superman doll" face...

Word verification: buggler. I'm thinking somewhere between buggery and the hamburgler.

ERP said...

I like how he emphaisized it with the work "vigorous".