When I was an intern on trauma surgery, a 44 yo intoxicated male was admitted after sustaining some injuries in a motor vehicle crash. The patient was admitted overnight because he had some abdominal pain and was too intoxicated to clear neck from any damage. He was placed in a cervical collar to immobilize his neck, and the plan was to reexamine him the next morning when he was sober
The next morning we were on rounds with the attending physician. In our group was a very naive and innocent medical student who was tasked with presenting the patient in rounds. The medical student went into the typical "44 yo intoxicated male here after MVC sustaining blah blah."
The attending looked at the spectacle and said "Looks like Mr. Intoxication is feeling well and tolerating normal daily activities. Please discharge him." I ran out of the room laughing down the hallway.
The poor medical student couldn't look at us for the rest of the month. Hopefully Mr. Intoxicated was discharged with an accurate discharge summary.... "Pt on day of discharge was in good spirits, tolerating a good jerk off session!"