Nice Doctor

A 30 something year old female visiting from out of town presented for seizure and knee pain. This was her 3^rd visit in 10 days for the same.   She was an obvious drug seeking faker from the start.  Her previous visit stated she demanded dilaudid for her knee pain.

This visit was no different. She said she had 3 seizures, and banged her knee during the seizures. She said her seizures were due to stress, and she needed anxiety meds and IV dilaudid or demerol to get her back to normal.  Request denied.  I explained IV narcotics for an invisible knee bruise was a little extreme.   I ran some basic blood work…..and of course all was negative.

When I went in to discharge her, the narcotic requests kept coming. I told her there was no way.  She tried to have one of her seizures.  During her seizure I asked “are these what your seizures are normally like?”  She replied yes…..during the seizure mind you.  So I told her she was faking her seizure and to please leave.

The nurses tried to take her out by wheelchair, but she refused the wheelchair. This was so she could “fall” and have another fake seizure on the floor. During the seizure she kept screaming “YOUR DOCTOR IS A MOTHER FUCKIN COCK SUCKER. HE’S A COCK SUCKER. THE DOCTOR IS A COCK SUCKER.”

I have never sucked a cock. But if I did, I would rather my patients not broadcast it like that.

ER Doc

Weird call from last night between the nurse and a “patient”…..

Patient:  “I think I broke my arm and I need someone to come here and check it out.”

Nurse:  “I am sorry to hear that.  You are welcome to come to the ER to get checked out.”

Patient:  “If I come up there is there going to be drama?”

Nurse: “Only if you start drama.”

Patient: “I don’t want any drama and if I come there will be drama.  Can you just send someone to my place to check it out.”

Nurse:  “Sir you called the ER, not 911. Maybe you meant to call 911. But we don’t make house calls from the ER.”

Patient:  “Bitch I know who I called. I got monitors and locks on me I can’t leave the house. Don’t you give a shit about your patients? Get up here and check me out. “

The nurse hung up at that point since he was not our patient and obviously a dickhead.

ER Doc