tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14086163372964390102024-03-13T12:10:21.599-07:00TALES FROM THE SERENITY NOW HOSPITALThis site is dedicated to give the reader an inside look and truth about medicine in the US. The posts are by ER docs and a Psych doctor. All tales are true stories. Most are funny, sad, or crazy...but all are true. Excuse us if we also share our opinions on politics and sports:
ER Doc, Psych Doc, Doc Sensitive (formerly)SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.comBlogger276125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-24397559494473405752013-03-09T22:15:00.002-08:002013-03-09T22:15:13.335-08:00Nice Doctor<br />
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A 30 something year old female visiting from out of town
presented for seizure and knee pain. This was her 3<sup>rd</sup> visit in 10
days for the same. She was an obvious
drug seeking faker from the start. Her
previous visit stated she demanded dilaudid for her knee pain. </div>
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This visit was no different. She said she had 3 seizures,
and banged her knee during the seizures. She said her seizures were due to
stress, and she needed anxiety meds and IV dilaudid or demerol to get her back
to normal. Request denied. I explained IV narcotics for an invisible knee
bruise was a little extreme. I ran some basic blood work…..and of course
all was negative. </div>
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When I went in to discharge her, the narcotic requests kept
coming. I told her there was no way. She
tried to have one of her seizures.
During her seizure I asked “are these what your seizures are normally
like?” She replied yes…..during the seizure
mind you. So I told her she was faking
her seizure and to please leave. </div>
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The nurses tried to take her out by wheelchair, but she
refused the wheelchair. This was so she could “fall” and have another fake
seizure on the floor. During the seizure she kept screaming “YOUR DOCTOR IS A
MOTHER FUCKIN COCK SUCKER. HE’S A COCK SUCKER. THE DOCTOR IS A COCK SUCKER.”</div>
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I have never sucked a cock. But if I did, I would rather my
patients not broadcast it like that. </div>
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ER Doc</div>
SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-2404470344769371732013-03-05T21:21:00.002-08:002013-03-05T21:21:59.095-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.sparkyhub.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/5-apps-to-put-the-lockdown-on-home-intruders.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.sparkyhub.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/5-apps-to-put-the-lockdown-on-home-intruders.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Weird call from last night between the nurse and a “patient”…..</div>
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Patient: “I think I
broke my arm and I need someone to come here and check it out.”</div>
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Nurse: “I am sorry to
hear that. You are welcome to come to
the ER to get checked out.”</div>
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Patient: “If I come
up there is there going to be drama?”</div>
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Nurse: “Only if you start drama.”</div>
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Patient: “I don’t want any drama and if I come there will be
drama. Can you just send someone to my
place to check it out.”</div>
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Nurse: “Sir you
called the ER, not 911. Maybe you meant to call 911. But we don’t make house
calls from the ER.”</div>
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Patient: “Bitch I
know who I called. I got monitors and locks on me I can’t leave the house. Don’t you give
a shit about your patients? Get up here and check me out. “</div>
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The nurse hung up at that point since he was not our patient
and obviously a dickhead. <br />
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ER Doc</div>
SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-82963479276594896502013-02-23T07:02:00.001-08:002013-02-23T07:02:19.249-08:00Stroke and Politics<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Politics and racism can be very dividing. It can affect people so much that their views are literally burned in their brain no matter what<br />
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A lot of times with stroke, the patient will present with altered mental status. I had an 81 year old with a stroke last week. She couldn't move her left side, and she couldn't remember anything. She didn't know the day, year, her family....nothing. BUT, when I asked her who the president was, she said "That colored guy. I wish I could push him in a ditch!" I don't know how her stroke could knock out so much of her memory but she still had the anti Obama in her.<br />
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ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-4232522311069973472013-02-15T02:25:00.000-08:002013-02-15T02:25:43.226-08:00Valentines Day<br />
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Holidays are always bad in the ER. July 4th because of the firework injuries, new years and memorial day because of the drunks, etc. </div>
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Apparently valentines day is no exception. Below are a few stories from my shift last night on valentines day. Interestingly, they were all females</div>
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<ul>
<li>A 37 year old female came in after taking 70 tabs of neurontin trying to kill herself because her boyfriend "forgot" it was valentines day. She took this as him saying he didn't love her, and a fight ensued. As a valentines present from me, she got a lovely mixture of charcoal to drink and an overnight stay in the ICU. </li>
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<li>The local MHMR had a valentines day dance for their mentally challenged patients. A nice 27 year old with mild-moderate MR was upset no one asked her to dance. On the ride home in the short bus, this enraged her. For some reason, she attacked the bus driver, who wrecked the short bus. Guess who got to take care of the short bus patients. </li>
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<li>A 70 year old female had an anxiety attack spending her first valentines day alone after her husband had passed away. The ativan did wonders and she left happy.</li>
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<li>A nice son brought his 81 year old mother flowers for valentines day. When she got up to take the flowers, she fell and broke her hip. </li>
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<li>A young couple were on a date for valentines at a fancy restaurant. Apparently the girl is allergic to "citrus," and she consumed something with citrus at the restaurant. She promptly swelled up and dinner was cut short as she needed to visit the ER to reverse her anaphylaxis. </li>
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ER Doc</div>
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SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-29073608183550227562013-02-13T00:05:00.000-08:002013-02-15T00:49:39.503-08:00Stripper Juice<br />
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So a stripper comes in for a butt abscess. I respect the ladies of the night. They work hard for their money right? Usually they are pretty street smart. But not this dumb ho. She must be stuck on the day shift. <i>(She put on her demographics she was a stripper so there was no secret going into the room).</i><br />
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Stripper Juice: "Wow your my doc. Your pretty cute. You should come see me sometime."<br />
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ER Doc: "Uhhh what brings you in today."<br />
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She immediately jumps on the bed and gets in the doggy style position, ass in the air, and pulls down her shorts leaving has her nasty thong on. The smell of a nasty river took over the room.<br />
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Stripper Juice: "I have this big boil on my butt. Do you think I got bit by a spider!?!?."<br />
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WTF?? This lady slides up and down dirty polls that other dirty strippers vaginas have slid on, puts her ass on the stage and makes a V with her legs to get a dollar bill, and rubs her shit on countless mens nasty pants, and her <i>thought</i> is a spider bite caused her abscess?? I know most people think a magical spider causes all boils, but I would think a damn stripper would think their disease infested profession might have something to do with pocket of pus growing on her ass.<br />
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ER Doc: "It's possible it was a spider, but more likely it was from your job. How clean is your working environment."<br />
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Stripper Juice: "Oh its disgusting."<br />
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So Stripper Juice got a nice incision and drainage. She will now have a scar on her ass...hopefully it doesn't affect her revenue. I wrote her a work excuse that said "no stripping, poll dancing, or booty rubbing until wound is fully healed."<br />
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ER Doc<br />
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<br />SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-88870362265241385912013-02-11T01:38:00.004-08:002013-02-11T01:41:08.752-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<i>We're baaaaack</i>. I don't know for how long...but we are bored and thought we would give this another try. Both of us have aged, become less mature, and have different jobs. But we still have shit to talk about. Check back soon for something worthless to read.<br />
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-ER Doc, Psych docSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-12470909672755621282011-06-26T19:52:00.000-07:002013-02-11T01:23:38.798-08:00Serenity Now's Last Compression<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzaYQDXJqfE6QHgdx4C07JkcWKRbmc8EOeiC0lB5BV_LluQcVAHVBQbIweiZJnRNfshOzEj1cyHWTg7XTl0dNf3bp1IEkznfCVOKZV4YUzxwaRDD4zP9cpiFCegYoZpr83Olg-LGGJo-gy/s1600/good_bye_by_whispered_nightmares.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzaYQDXJqfE6QHgdx4C07JkcWKRbmc8EOeiC0lB5BV_LluQcVAHVBQbIweiZJnRNfshOzEj1cyHWTg7XTl0dNf3bp1IEkznfCVOKZV4YUzxwaRDD4zP9cpiFCegYoZpr83Olg-LGGJo-gy/s1600/good_bye_by_whispered_nightmares.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 204px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;"><br />BECAUSE OF CERTAIN IDIOTS OUT THERE THAN ARE TOO SENSITIVE....THIS BLOG ENDS ASAP. I AM PUTTING SOME MINI RANTS BELOW OF THINGS I WANTED TO BLOG IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS, BUT IT HAS TO END NOW. </span><br />
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<ul>
<li>Home Remedies patients have told me about that I think are funny/stupid: Vinegar after too much pork or salt to help lower blood pressure, mustard with garlic for gas, people who wear cotton balls in their ears, peeing on a burn, mustard on burns, mayo on burns, eating cheese to stop smoking, eating oatmeal after fried foods to help "break it up", red or green rubbing alcohol for flank pain</li>
<li>I am sick of Hispanic people who live in this country for years and don't bother to learn English. I don't know how many times I have seen someone who says they have been in the US for 10+ years, and don't speak English. And you expect me to be able to help you?</li>
<li>I had a guy come in last week for hand weakness after "watching cinemax all night." And it was a Saturday night!</li>
<li>A mom who had cigarette in mouth when going to pick up baby from high chair, slipped, and spit the cigarette in her eye causing a nasty burn to her eye</li>
<li>Don't waste the fire departments time by having them check your blood pressure. Go to a drug store and have a machine do it. Don't waste the fireman's time</li>
<li>Had a patient call 911 from her ER room in my ER last week because she was hearing voices in her head. Funny shit.</li>
<li>Had a nursing home doc send me a patient to examine because her vision was getting worse. When I asked what her baseline vision status was....he said "oh, shes already legally blind, but she seems to be more blind now." WTF am I supposed to do with that?</li>
<li>A 26 year old mom and her 13 year old son....both coming to the ER for different psych complaints.....</li>
<li>A different nursing home sent the same patient in THREE TIMES in the SAME night for her trach falling out. And she didn't even need the trach anymore. The 3rd time she came I just threw away the trach and sent her back.</li>
</ul>
I will miss my real readers. Sorry losers had to ruin for youSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com66tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-42052655958933059632011-06-23T16:10:00.001-07:002011-06-23T16:16:31.959-07:00Breast Augmentation<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://doodiepants.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/lipo-300x202.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 202px;" src="http://doodiepants.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/lipo-300x202.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I love fake boobs. But this, ladies, is NOT how you do it.<br /><br />An 18 year old came in for breast pain after "at home breast augmentation." She was visiting her friend in Mexico, and mentioned to her friend she wanted to go from a B to a C cup. So her friend, in true Mexican resourcefulness style, injected cooking oil into both breasts.<br /><br />Yeah, that just happened.<br /><br />So I examined her breasts. Luckily for her I didn't see any signs of infection. I was not, however, impressed with her friends work.<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-66330285845629009432011-06-19T19:43:00.000-07:002011-06-19T19:49:53.417-07:00"I Promise I'll Be Good This Time"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.estateplanninglawblawg.com/dead%20hand.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 255px; height: 169px;" src="http://www.estateplanninglawblawg.com/dead%20hand.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />A 22 year old male came in for severe hand pain. He injected meth into his forearm a few hours prior (first time I have heard about injecting meth.) His hands were swollen, pale, and beginning to have decreased pulses.<br /><br />We started and IV and gave him fluids, antibiotics, and morphine through the IV. As soon as he got the morphine, he jumped up and ran out of the ER screaming "see ya bitches!"<br /><br />After this, I figured he had a chronic hand condition that he used to trick ERs into getting pain meds for. But 2 hours later he was back, and his hand was nearly black. "I promise I will be good this time" he said.<br /><br />So he was admitted to the ICU on a heparin drip. He will probably loose the hand.<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-4799091332795684802011-06-10T19:50:00.000-07:002011-06-13T05:32:59.579-07:0080s Stars and Bad Vitamins<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0CPsS6tiA70hT-UWipV0dJ9c4N1gL-fDGUPcPdAlF6G0KgCf4LLyrZ89aaVz4P-JAI2VGgeJaZ_l0SH1_ADNs4I1MQ7vry98yFwKfo3u2ImBIglyg4uMhDIEYVZOQ7RUjyYr2hrwPSg0K/s1600/images.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 10px 10px 0px; WIDTH: 67px; FLOAT: left; HEIGHT: 94px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5616789686679583682" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0CPsS6tiA70hT-UWipV0dJ9c4N1gL-fDGUPcPdAlF6G0KgCf4LLyrZ89aaVz4P-JAI2VGgeJaZ_l0SH1_ADNs4I1MQ7vry98yFwKfo3u2ImBIglyg4uMhDIEYVZOQ7RUjyYr2hrwPSg0K/s200/images.jpg" /></a> First, let me say that like ER Doc, I am starting to feel like I have described every kind of moron that can be encountered in a psychiatric setting. In order to prevent repetitiveness, it may be time to wind this thing down. Notice that I am describing a particular type of moron in most of my posts. Rarely do I exploit those with real psychiatric illnesses, but this patient had me straining to keep a straight face. I am not making fun of her, but what she said was funny. And her "voice" was telling her to get a gun and shoot herself, which is most definitely unfunny.<br /><br />Warning: Strong Language to follow.<br /><br />The patient was a female in her 30s. She has been more or less psychotic since she gave birth to her first child a decade ago. Her illness is not helped by a 20 year marijuana use history as well as K2 and other synthetics for the past 6 months. She began by telling me that since she was a little girl, a person named "Jane" has lived in her head and has been belittling her and "making me sell my soul. She calls me 'Punky Brewster' and 'Vitamin Pussy.' I don't even know what that means, but when I worked in Denny's, some teenagers looked at the menu and told Jane to call me that."<br /><br /><br />She said, "I know that Jane was harassing me last night because I woke up with morning breath." And interestingly, Jane caused her face to turn orange; "The same color as dog poo."<br /><br /><br />I mentioned that Jane has been around for a while. "Jane first came to visit me when I was 3 years old. At first she gave me happy dreams. Then when I turned 10, the dreams got all gay."<br /><br /><br />"Gay?", I queried.<br /><br /><br />"I dreamt I was making out with Emilio Estevez. I was so in love with him. I woke up all excited. I tried to go back to sleep and have the same dream again, but that bitch made me dream about a mermaid on a damn beach!"<br /><br /><br />"How has your illness affected your work and personal lives?", I asked.<br /><br /><br />"I can't get a job. Jane always puts me down. Every time I go on a job interview, she says, 'Nobody will ever hire you because your pussy isn't as pretty as their pussies.'"<br /><br /><br />Maybe that's why Soleil Moon Frye was never heard from after 1988.<br /><br /><br />-Psych DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-16659250307417646812011-06-10T18:27:00.000-07:002011-06-10T18:38:12.900-07:00How Do I Call The Ambulance<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://911.mt.gov/images/call911.gif"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 346px; height: 158px;" src="http://911.mt.gov/images/call911.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />True story from this morning....<br /><br />A 26 year old called the ER and spoke to the nurse. She had been seen last week in our ER, and had our telephone number on her discharge instructions.<br /><br />Her question for our nurse was....."How do I call 911 to come get me?"<br /><br />No this lady was not retarded. The nurse said "Just dial the numbers 9-1-1 on your phone."<br /><br />Ten minutes later the lady was brought in by EMS.<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-52455917659947447582011-06-05T10:43:00.000-07:002011-06-05T10:55:06.972-07:00Medication Refill<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2601/3914729343_6ba95723dc.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 254px; height: 177px;" src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2601/3914729343_6ba95723dc.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I appreciate the kind words from everyone. Really I do a good job of venting to my friends Psych Doc and Doc Sensitive. The blog has been fun, but I think when the stories I have run out that will be the end. I received some interesting offers in the last week, so things might be on hold as far as shutting down production....for a little bit.<br /><br />Anyways back to the stories......<br /><br />A 63 year old male came in for a medication refill.<br /><br />Me: "Hello sir, how can I help you today?"<br /><br />Patient: "I was hoping you could refill my meds for my blood pressure."<br /><br />Me (few basic history questions then...): "OK, what meds are you on?"<br /><br />Patient: "I don't know. I have been on them for ten years."<br /><br />Me: "I need a name if I am going to help you. Do you know what it sounds like, or what it starts with?"<br /><br />Patient: "No, I just know I have been on it for a long time. Can you refill it?"<br /><br />Me: "Sir, there are a lot of blood pressure names out there, can you think of anything for me to go with?"<br /><br />Patient: "No, just refill them dammit!"<br /><br />It was Sunday afternoon. No primary doc to call. He wasn't in our electronic medical records. He had no clue what the name even sounded like. He couldn't tell me what they looked like. He literally just expected me to be a genie and come up with his meds. I think I even said that at one point. I asked about 20 different questions that I was hoping would spark his memory. Nothing worked. Why the hell even come in?<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-51420221261293968012011-06-02T14:25:00.000-07:002011-06-02T14:31:56.856-07:00Patient Complaint<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://swobidu.info/wp-content/uploads/1306281729-96.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 349px; height: 167px;" src="http://swobidu.info/wp-content/uploads/1306281729-96.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I received a funny patient complaint this week.<br /><br />I had a 42 year old come in for scabies (we get a lot of patients with scabies, as you can tell by now).<br /><br />I told him the treatment I would be prescribing him, but he had heard that a shot of decadron (steroid) would help, and he demanded it. We went round and round with me trying to explain why it wouldn't help, but he really wanted it so I gave in.<br /><br />He called our office 3 days later irate stating the shot I gave him made him impotent. First...why are you having sex when you have scabies. Second...yeah the decadron didn't affect you morning salute, sorry man.<br /><br />-ER Doc<br /><br />On a different note, I am kind of sad to say this blog is shortly coming to an end. It has been fun. When we set out to do this a few years ago, we just wanted to have some fun. I don't have the longevity of the greats like erstories.net, gruntdoc, and white coat. Psych doc and I have talked, and we think we have pretty much described every kind of douche-bag we have seen, so it is time to bring things to a close. I have a few more things I want rant about, but then we will be riding into the sunset and will take down the blog. Thanks for your support. I recommend erstories.net, white coats call room, new nurse in the hood, and nurse k.SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com29tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-88235974807581243062011-05-29T22:21:00.001-07:002011-05-29T22:27:39.980-07:00Now...and Free<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.markevanstech.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/free.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 281px; height: 214px;" src="http://www.markevanstech.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/free.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Me: "What are you here for today, Sir?"<br /><br />Patient: " I am here to have my gallbladder removed."<br /><br />Me: "Are you having any symptoms?"<br /><br />Patient: "No, but I have in the past, and they told me I need to get scheduled to get it out."<br /><br />Me: "Well you should definitely do that, then. But this is an emergency department. We can only consult a surgeon if you are having an emergency with your gall bladder. It sounds like you need to follow up with a surgeon."<br /><br />Patient: "Look, I don't wanna do that. It costs money. Now get me a damn surgeon. I want the surgery NOW, and I want it for FREE."<br /><br />He got kicked out shortly after. This is the country we live in. Imagine if I went into a mechanic shop with my car and demanded them to fix it for free and right away. Gese.<br /><br />ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-82540032138533209132011-05-22T12:46:00.000-07:002011-05-22T13:12:42.509-07:008-Fer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHyDGBvT-J5pzW3Jn0KxHH-6ILNoeVtnbDlg2Ozdysf7WMN1JildSof3W5OwflQ8Fueb8k3Ud0fId0OEgtyl31cO6hA7v_bX4zStls1HOkY-gNRLP1toc0l-HatS6QwiUCKTCyHoXnKuM6/s1600/600px-I-8.svg.png"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 313px; height: 186px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHyDGBvT-J5pzW3Jn0KxHH-6ILNoeVtnbDlg2Ozdysf7WMN1JildSof3W5OwflQ8Fueb8k3Ud0fId0OEgtyl31cO6hA7v_bX4zStls1HOkY-gNRLP1toc0l-HatS6QwiUCKTCyHoXnKuM6/s1600/600px-I-8.svg.png" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />A family of EIGHT came in for me to see. This isn't as many as my record (15), but it was definitely the 2nd most.<br /><br />The family ranged from ages 7-79. They were in a Dodge Durango on the way to a graduation. They were rear ended at low speed. Everyone was wearing a seat belt. They all then went to the graduation and celebration.<br /><br />Afterward, some 4 hours later, they decided to come in and "get checked out." And I discharged them ALL from the waiting room.<br /><br />ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-52510167838586613842011-05-18T22:35:00.000-07:002011-05-18T22:43:46.369-07:00Weird ShiftHad a weird couple of nights this week....<br /><br />1- A man was seen walking around the parking lot with a roll of toilet paper on a leash. He said he was looking for his mother's cat that took a cab to the hospital.<br /><br />2- A 24 year old who came in for an ankle sprain...but was also grossly infected with scabies.<br /><br />3- A 21 year old man called EMS for a toothache. I am not sure why they actually brought him...but they did. He walked in through the ambulance bay with the paramedics and his girlfriend, who had a bag of cheetos in her hands. I guess she needed a snack for the ride. When I directed them to go to triage, he got mad and walked out the hospital. Ooops.<br /><br />4- A 37 year old man got released from drug rehab. He decided to celebrate by getting drunk and passing out on his porch and knocking out a couple of teeth.<br /><br />5- A 22 year old female wanted a <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">mammogram</span> to see how far along in her pregnancy she was.<br /><br />6- A 45 year old female came in intoxicated. She was afraid she was pregnant, so she decided to get drunk and do drugs to kill the fetus. But when she got the room, she decided she wanted to keep the kid (it would have been #9). Thankfully she wasn't actually pregnant.<br /><br />7- A 37 year old male came in after getting "jumped" by 10 guys and 5 girls. Of course, he said they jumped him for no reason. On review of his past medical records, I learned he was seen a few years ago after being jumped. Somehow...his keys got stuck in his ass when he got jumped that time.<br /><br />8- A 27 year old came in for a drippy dick. We counted on the electronic medical records that he had been seen TWENTY THREE TIMES in the past 2 years for a STD. Nice...<br /><br />ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-79967504191950726052011-05-15T09:35:00.000-07:002011-05-15T09:44:41.959-07:00Be Careful<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3010/2757323150_180c55d966.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 337px; height: 175px;" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3010/2757323150_180c55d966.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />People....be careful. Young people die too. Its one of the hardest things in medicine. The hardest thing I have to do is break the news on someone young that died. Children are the worse. These cases involved 20-30 year olds.<br /><br />A few friends were celebrating a graduation. I suspect alcohol was involved. At 3 am, their car veered off the highway and ran into a tree. Only one was wearing a seat-belt. The other 2 were ejected through the windshield and landed about 30 yards away. They were pronounced dead shortly after making it to my ER. The guy wearing a seatbelt.....no injuries. Both victims left behind young wives and parents.<br /><br />A 23 year old was helping his brother fix their car. The car wasn't on proper lifts. When he stuck his head under the car to take a look, it came crashing down on him crushing his skull. It was horrible. He left behind a brother, sister, and parents.<br /><br />We are never too young to die. Be careful.<br /><br />ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-48436408025808411852011-05-10T22:10:00.000-07:002011-05-10T20:12:52.388-07:00Ironman 3 - Poo Siege<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPmzLuG22FCmm530bI7rK282NnZm5hvcO3GC7texJi0JzDX9dxW7MAqEkUFBXAOIqSgSrNhiyTy5irbumEwFRuGhX4X72OvoLmrLZfw1ZJ7NM7rlIZ7uxgaW6IAmDl2vUzAAEvYScsAdDx/s1600/297097455v11_480x480_Front.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 319px; float: left; height: 232px;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604547440281505058" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPmzLuG22FCmm530bI7rK282NnZm5hvcO3GC7texJi0JzDX9dxW7MAqEkUFBXAOIqSgSrNhiyTy5irbumEwFRuGhX4X72OvoLmrLZfw1ZJ7NM7rlIZ7uxgaW6IAmDl2vUzAAEvYScsAdDx/s200/297097455v11_480x480_Front.jpg" border="0" /></a> Hollywood would have you believe that "<a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0800369/">Thor</a>" is the first blockbuster of the summer. I have it on good authority, however, that there is a pirated version of Ironman 3. I am now going to tell you the plot. <em>Warning: spoilers ahead!</em><br /><br /><div></div><div>For those who don't know, we have a patient in common we have dubbed Ironman. See posts <a href="http://serenitynowhospital.blogspot.com/2011/02/invincible-ironman.html">here</a> and <a href="http://serenitynowhospital.blogspot.com/2011/03/return-of-ironman.html">here.</a> I also gave a brief <a href="http://serenitynowhospital.blogspot.com/2011/04/happy-easter.html">Easter update</a>. Since that post, Ironman spent a few more weeks in the big-time psych hospital. Once they determined for about the 10th time that there's nothing that can help this guy, he was discharged. I'm not sure where he was discharged to. He didn't stay there long. Within 2 days, he was back in the hospital where my residency is. </div><br /><div></div><div>Keep in mind:</div><br /><div>1. These hospitals are 70 miles apart and would involve travel through 3 counties, at least.</div><br /><div>2. He has no home and owns no means of transportation. </div><br /><div></div><div>He is, however, apparently blessed with the ability to remember every phone number to every hospital within a hundred mile radius. Not just the main numbers. He can direct dial most of the inpatient units and some social workers.</div><br /><div></div><div></div><div>The real question is why is he back in the hospital? He just spent a month and the grandaddy of psych hospitals (in this state anyway). He should be cured, right?</div><br /><div></div>Ironman swallowed some sheet-metal screws. He didn't pretend to do this. There is radiologic evidence. He had to wait on the med-surg unit for the screws to pass. This requires the poor nursing staff to inspect his fecal matter. I guess it can't be that bad, he's a superhero, they could probably sell it on Ebay. Finally, a nurse noticed large, coarse particles and began to celebrate. She might have even shouted "Eureka!", thinking her fecal screw inspecting days were over.<br /><div><br />But, alas, it was only some pieces of wood and bark that he had swallowed some other time.</div><br /><div>And for the first time ever, a nurse wanted a patient to screw her, and he gave her good wood, but she was left wanting more. <em>To be continued...</em><br /></div><br /><div>-Psych Doc</div></div>SerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-26577179852929146502011-05-08T19:26:00.000-07:002011-05-08T19:36:51.062-07:00Cage EmA patient came in the ER with a severe ear laceration after being bitten by HIS BROTHER. One so bad I had to swallow my pride and call the on call plastic surgeon for help.<br /><br />After explaining the case.....<br /><br />Plastics: "Don't you think you can sew that up, give them a shot of antibiotics, and have them see me in clinic."<br /><br />Me: "You mean like I do 98% of the time?? No. How about I take a pic and send it to your phone."<br /><br />I sent him the following pic.....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGa3XNEMBGoFL-PUERyf1QBJGsFvC3lMjE2xupN6b0f2wMd6sdatoA1CsDglu7XHWpnGTzV3ig_9LlsiVzgyWm6JH4I7Vw8TVG8e0FxCgavFkjd1qa8CS2_X4NArGtxajUmvV1QCnCy2p/s1600/IMG_0764.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 262px; height: 211px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYGa3XNEMBGoFL-PUERyf1QBJGsFvC3lMjE2xupN6b0f2wMd6sdatoA1CsDglu7XHWpnGTzV3ig_9LlsiVzgyWm6JH4I7Vw8TVG8e0FxCgavFkjd1qa8CS2_X4NArGtxajUmvV1QCnCy2p/s200/IMG_0764.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5604538507900249154" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />And he called back shortly.....<br /><br />Plastics: "I am on my way in. Please get me a plastics tray. And please get a cage to lock up these animals!"<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-5163863832910982052011-05-05T19:38:00.001-07:002011-05-05T20:10:09.201-07:00Put It In Here<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.lushtshirts.co.uk/images/products/thongs/thong-insert-here.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 272px; height: 154px;" src="http://www.lushtshirts.co.uk/images/products/thongs/thong-insert-here.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />A 23 year old female (moderately attractive) came in for headache, fever, chills, and stiff neck. Obviously needed to rule out meningitis.<br /><br />So when it was time for the spinal tap....there was an odd tattoo to her lower back.<br /><br />It had a sign that said "Put It In Here" and an arrow pointing down. And it wasn't pointing to the area of the lumbar spine that the needle was supposed to go in!<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-37981261693861155762011-05-01T11:30:00.000-07:002011-05-01T11:38:40.625-07:00Belly Fat Can Save You!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://woldfitness.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/belly-fat.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 197px;" src="http://woldfitness.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/belly-fat.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Forget about diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol, metabolic syndrome, decreased libido, panniculitis, heart attacks, strokes, smelling bad, taking up too much space on an airplane, etc....being really fat can save your life!<br /><br />A 22 year old male came in with a stab wound to the abdomen. But because he was 450 pounds and litterally had 20 inches of belly fat, the large knife only penetrated fatty tissue. The CT even read <span style="font-style: italic;">"penetration through 8 inches of subcutaneous fat, not in close proximity to the abdominal cavity."</span> A couple of staples and out the door!<br /><br />So at least there is one benefit to being a big boy.<br /><br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-27234637214916603042011-04-29T14:40:00.000-07:002011-04-29T14:43:33.116-07:00Chief Complaint of the Day<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.mdjunction.com/components/com_joomlaboard/uploaded/images/mister_taco.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 278px; height: 142px;" src="http://www.mdjunction.com/components/com_joomlaboard/uploaded/images/mister_taco.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />A 28 year old Hispanic male came in for <span style="font-style: italic;">"Left arm numbness and tingling after eating tacos. Thinks it causes a heart attack."</span><br /><br />Uh yeah....quickest discharge ever.<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-73396424855698040632011-04-24T19:32:00.000-07:002011-04-24T19:45:45.017-07:00Happy Easter<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://blog.catchmyparty.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/printables-easter-banner-ER.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 311px; height: 272px;" src="http://blog.catchmyparty.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/printables-easter-banner-ER.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />Oh how I love working holidays (not really).<br /><br />On Easter, we get hit with a ton of patients who pass out during church. Apparently the holy ghost is stronger than normal on easter. Grand total today....11 (1 was a pastor). One was a 17 year old who didn't eat dinner last night, didn't eat breakfast, and then got overheated in the crowded church and passed out shortly. How about just feed her instead of bringing her to the ER.<br /><br />There was also some teens who decided to be cool and drive fast without seat belts on. Well they all got thrown out of the vehicle and have some pretty nasty injuries.<br /><br />Then there was the onslaught of nursing home patients who finally get a visit from family, said family freaks out b/c they look like crap since they saw them last year, and then they send them to ER. Yay.<br /><br />One was 81 years old. Her family brought her a big mac for easter. Well she promptly aspirated the big mac after only a few bites. She arrived to the ER hypoxic and had crumbles the big mac still in her mouth. Maybe next year they will bring soup.<br /><br />Happy easter,<br /><br />ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-59318041382977082812011-04-23T21:58:00.001-07:002011-04-23T22:05:09.204-07:00My Manic Patinent<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://images.uulyrics.com/cover/m/manic-street-preachers/album-gold-against-the-soul.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 203px;" src="http://images.uulyrics.com/cover/m/manic-street-preachers/album-gold-against-the-soul.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />I had a 23 year old truly manic female come in by EMS. She had been manic for days. Off her lithium and talking a mile a minute. EMS was called by a neighbor when she stormed into his apartment and started throwing his stuff off his balcony because she felt it was all evil.<br /><br />Me: "Hello ma'am, my name is ER Doc."<br /><br />Patient: "I know who you are. You were in my dream."<br /><br />Me: "Oh really?" (<span style="font-style: italic;">expecting a compliment</span>)<br /><br />Patient: "Yes, you were satan burning on the cross!"<br /><br />Me: "Who me!? Are you sure you don't have me confused with someone else?"<br /><br />Patient: "No, you were definitely satan burning on the cross. You are evil."<br /><br />Me: "But I am nice. And it is the day before Easter. I was even going to go to church tomorrow. Maybe I was an angel going to save the person burning"<br /><br />Patient: "No you are satan and you were burning on the cross.<br /><br />Me: "OK, well I will have to call Psych Doc then."<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-17786140897573498692011-04-19T20:56:00.000-07:002011-04-19T21:05:59.871-07:00Just Give Me The Damn Meds<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://stevecreek.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/copperhead_snake_2711.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 271px; height: 192px;" src="http://stevecreek.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/copperhead_snake_2711.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Another snake bite. This one wasn't provoked. Poor guy was cleaning his shed and the damned snake latched on. Somehow he killed the thing and brought it in. It was a copperhead, which is never good news.<br /><br />The bite was to his right hand. He was swelling quick and it was moving up his arm. He needed CroFab right away.<br /><br />So I ordered the standard loading dose and asked the pharmacy to make sure they had enough vials ready...this guy was sick.<br /><br />The pharmacy kept farting around, and we had to keep calling to rush them. Then the charge nurse came up to me and said, "ER Doc, the pharmacy wants to make sure you know how expensive the CroFab is. They said it is $2,000 dollars a vial." My reply was simple, "Get the pharmacy on the phone now please."<br /><br />Me to pharmacy boss: "This is ER Doc. I heard you have concerns over the price of the crofab for my rapidly declining patient. You know I am not giving him CroFab for fun. Do you want to call the manufacturer and ask for a discount? Was there a new magic medicine made for this I don't know about? Or how bout I have Ortho come down and chop off his arm because that might be cheaper? Or....maybe I should just let him get worse and die? What do you think of all that? Do you have any suggestions since you are so concerned?<br /><br />Pharmacy Boss: "Uhhhhhh"<br /><br />Me: "Then just give me the damn meds."<br /><br />The CroFab arrived shortly after.<br /><br />-ER DocSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.com16