Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Ironman 3 - Poo Siege

Hollywood would have you believe that "Thor" is the first blockbuster of the summer. I have it on good authority, however, that there is a pirated version of Ironman 3. I am now going to tell you the plot. Warning: spoilers ahead!

For those who don't know, we have a patient in common we have dubbed Ironman. See posts here and here. I also gave a brief Easter update. Since that post, Ironman spent a few more weeks in the big-time psych hospital. Once they determined for about the 10th time that there's nothing that can help this guy, he was discharged. I'm not sure where he was discharged to. He didn't stay there long. Within 2 days, he was back in the hospital where my residency is.

Keep in mind:

1. These hospitals are 70 miles apart and would involve travel through 3 counties, at least.

2. He has no home and owns no means of transportation.

He is, however, apparently blessed with the ability to remember every phone number to every hospital within a hundred mile radius. Not just the main numbers. He can direct dial most of the inpatient units and some social workers.

The real question is why is he back in the hospital? He just spent a month and the grandaddy of psych hospitals (in this state anyway). He should be cured, right?

Ironman swallowed some sheet-metal screws. He didn't pretend to do this. There is radiologic evidence. He had to wait on the med-surg unit for the screws to pass. This requires the poor nursing staff to inspect his fecal matter. I guess it can't be that bad, he's a superhero, they could probably sell it on Ebay. Finally, a nurse noticed large, coarse particles and began to celebrate. She might have even shouted "Eureka!", thinking her fecal screw inspecting days were over.

But, alas, it was only some pieces of wood and bark that he had swallowed some other time.

And for the first time ever, a nurse wanted a patient to screw her, and he gave her good wood, but she was left wanting more. To be continued...

-Psych Doc


terri c said...


Anonymous said...

Iron Man needs to be made into a comic book ala "American Splendor". Maybe R. Crumb would be interested in doing the art work? Just freaky enough for him....


Anonymous said...

Ironman is my hero

Anonymous said...

ironman is my hero