Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Weird Shift

Had a weird couple of nights this week....

1- A man was seen walking around the parking lot with a roll of toilet paper on a leash. He said he was looking for his mother's cat that took a cab to the hospital.

2- A 24 year old who came in for an ankle sprain...but was also grossly infected with scabies.

3- A 21 year old man called EMS for a toothache. I am not sure why they actually brought him...but they did. He walked in through the ambulance bay with the paramedics and his girlfriend, who had a bag of cheetos in her hands. I guess she needed a snack for the ride. When I directed them to go to triage, he got mad and walked out the hospital. Ooops.

4- A 37 year old man got released from drug rehab. He decided to celebrate by getting drunk and passing out on his porch and knocking out a couple of teeth.

5- A 22 year old female wanted a mammogram to see how far along in her pregnancy she was.

6- A 45 year old female came in intoxicated. She was afraid she was pregnant, so she decided to get drunk and do drugs to kill the fetus. But when she got the room, she decided she wanted to keep the kid (it would have been #9). Thankfully she wasn't actually pregnant.

7- A 37 year old male came in after getting "jumped" by 10 guys and 5 girls. Of course, he said they jumped him for no reason. On review of his past medical records, I learned he was seen a few years ago after being jumped. Somehow...his keys got stuck in his ass when he got jumped that time.

8- A 27 year old came in for a drippy dick. We counted on the electronic medical records that he had been seen TWENTY THREE TIMES in the past 2 years for a STD. Nice...

ER Doc

8 comments:

newnurseinthehood said...

SHUT UP. If this is the same key ass guy I'm thinking of, I discharged him and he argued with me for 15 minutes about the fact that his x ray was negative, saying that the key was there but it just wasn't showing up in the reports because part of it was plastic. Yikes.

Officer Cynical said...

#8 oughta bring his girlfriend in with him and stop the madness.

kate said...

Please tell me that you sent #8 home with a carton of condoms.

ERP said...

Did you do a penectomy on that last guy?

minimedic said...

#1 - Did the roll of toliet paper have a name?

#5 - TEH STUPID! IT BURNS!

Lois said...

hahaha! #5 is hilarious. She must think the procedure is called "mommogram".

Anonymous said...

I didn't know the uterus was located in the breasts, that's interesting....I learn something new everyday. It reminds me of this young girl who was pregnant with her first child and she swallowed some gum and was freaking out because she was scared the baby was going to choke on it...so scary to know these girls are going to raise these poor babies...

LivingDeadNurse said...

a drippy dick? good grief thats a new complaint. Course I had a guy come in for an STD he swore he got from his girlfriend in his anus. It was a hemmroid..dear lord...