Saturday, March 12, 2011

(Occurred on Fat Tuesday)

Let Mardi Gras Begin!!
The first chart I grab for the day was the dreaded "vaginal discharge and odor" chief complaint. I hang my head in shame, and walk towards the room. I walk into the room, introduce myself and ask what is going on.

"I don't know dude, it just smells real bad. And I've got a boil that needs drained in my arm pit."

... ugh ... "Alright." So I proceed to get a further history, decide I need to do a pelvic on this lady, When we get her to the pelvic room, she begins to make comments about how gross this is. "Dude, this is just gross." I'm tempted to tell her how un-excited I am to be doing this. When we get her in the stirrups and pull back the sheet she asks, "Isn't it gross? Can you smell it?"

I wanted to shoot myself ...

As I'm doing the exam, she has a discharge the color of a yellow highligher. I ask her if she has been sexually active ... she looks at me blank faced ... confused.

"I don't know what that is."


"... no"

So I send her back to her room.

After I get the results back I go in to talk to her and drain the abscess. The abscess was small .. but you would have thought I was sawing her arm off. She literally went from "Jesus, please help me" to "IN THE NAME OF JESUS STOP TOUCHING ME" to "G.D. get your F*in hands off me!!!"

After I finish draining the abscess, I go into talking to her about my treatment plan. Antibiotics for the discharge and the abscess .... and it went a little something like this ...

"Your discharge looks like it is a bacterial infection. You got if from being sexually active. You need to be tested for all of the other STD's."

"I don't know what that is ... I'm from New Orleans."

Her friend chimes in ... "A SESHLY TRANSITTED ZEEZ" ... I am still speechless at everything I have just witnessed and leave before I hear anymore of her friend's definition of an STD. Perfect patient for Fat Tuesday.



arzt4empfaenger said...

You know, as horrifying and unappetizing as the situation was, I think "A SESHLY TRANSITTED ZEEZ" would look great on a t-shirt. ;)

And well, maybe she wasn't seshly active (as in interpersonally) and instead being unsanitary with some sort of toys? Otherwise, how could you not understand the wording? People these days. :|

tracy said...

Good times in the "Tuna Pit", yes???

Wasn't there a Doctor Blogger who told a string of funny tales from the "Tuna Pit"?

Maybe it was you...?

Umm, can't most people just drain their own, (eew) boils? You know, like take out their own stiches? :)

tracy said...