I laughed in my head and and said, "Sir, why do you think a snake bit your penis?"
He anxiously replied, "Because it burns and has two things that look like snake fangs!"
I then proceeded to look at his penis and quickly identified the lesions as herpes. I told him that he was not bitten by a snake, but infected with a STD that is passed on by unprotected intercourse and it would require antiviral medications for his whole life.
I asked if he had any questions. He replied, "Do you know what kind of snake bit me?"
He was not going to be convinced! I attempted two more times to explain what an STD was and how it was treated. I gave him a script for acyclovir and told him to follow up with the health department. I also advised him to stay away from that snake that bit him.