Friday, March 19, 2010

Ron Washington

Dave Chappelle as Tyrone Biggums

Ron Washington

So the manager of the Texas Rangers, Ron Washington, just admitted that he tested positive for cocaine last year during the season. The Rangers didn't fire him, and he has tested negative since.

The funny part of this story is he said the one and only time he has every done cocaine in his life was when he tested positive last year. He is 57! Come many people decide to snort their first line at 57 years old. Give me a break.

I have a ton of patients that do cocaine. About 10% of my chest pain patients test positive for cocaine. A lot of them are in their 50s....but I guarantee you it's not their first time to use.

Just like the FIRST time we found out that Charlie Sheen beats his wife..... he said it was the first time it had happened. And when Tiger got caught cheating..... it was his first time....until we found out about the other 13! Or when my mom caught me wacking off as a teenager.... it was the first time I had every done it, or when my wife caught me watching porn...."I swear honey it was the first time!" Come on man. We all say it was the first time when we get busted.

So Mr. Washington, admit you have been doing drugs for awhile, and one of them happens to be coke. You didn't do cocaine for the first time at age 57 then get tested by Major League Baseball the next day.

Cynically yours,

-ER Doc

Please add your "first timer's" to the comment section


Anonymous said...

We had a report that a patient who developed a brain hemorrhage (after snowballing) was a first time.

He/she lingered for 2 weeks because family couldn't decide if he/she was really brain dead.

Your tax dollars at work.

Anonymous said...

"I never speed, officer, and I'll never do it again..."

Anonymous said...

It was my first and only time with a guy. Just expirimenting

It was my first time to do anal

-Big Jake

NYCRN said...

Years ago at a party for registered Nurses, I saw about 8 nurses snorting coke in a tiny bathroom and YUP, it was everyone's first time.

DreamingTree said...

NYCRN -- Seriously? I don't know why I'm shocked, but I am. That's really sad.

Anonymous said...

O.J. Simpson killed his wife for the first time...

StorytellERdoc said...

I hope your mother only caught you once before you learned to lock the door! LOL Well done, between your post and comments, I'm chuckling.

CokeHead said...

You guys are too cynical. What's wrong with his answer. Not that he lied, he probably did not. That could have been the first time he did it when he was 57. He did it 200 times when he was 56, and maybe 500 time when he was 55. But you got to start somewhere when your 57, it's another year.. a new count. The problem here is that, probably nobody asked him the right question.

Trust us....we're doctors said...


Spoken like a true addict. Also, that could have been the first time he tried powder but he coulda been doing crack daily for 20 years.

The weird thing is, the Rangers' record got worse after Wash tested positive and entered treatment.

psych doc