A 45 yo male arrived to ED walking with his legs wide apart and refusing to sit down in the triage chairs. Instead, he elected to stand up in a semi erect stance and demanded to see the doctor. The nurse wrote the following triage summary: "45 yo male in moderate distress here for a 2 day history of a homemade dildo in his rectum." I have retrieved many objects from rectums including flashlights, apples, old spice bottles, glass bottles, and many lost commercial pleasure devices. This, however, was my first "homemade" device.
Sir, "I'm Doc Sensitive. How can I help you today?" Of course I knew exactly why he needed my help b/c I read the nurses notes.
The poor man was laying on his side and didn't want to face me... butt stated "Doc, I'm extremely embarrassed about this... but my girlfriend came over one night and told me she wanted to fulfill one of her fantansy's and brought over a plastic dildo she made herself and said that she wanted to have sex with my a**. So I was like, okay, why not. She then strapped it on to perform anal sex on me and all of a sudden she screamed out... 'Uh, I can't get it back out!'"
This guy had spent the prior TWO DAYS trying to remove it with various other foreign objects... including a spoon and a wrench, but was unsuccessful. He finally gave in and came to our hospital. The surgeons took him to the operating room, and they successfully removed a 12 inch first class homemade dildo. He left the hospital the next day without his girlfriend's dildo, or his manlihood.
-Doc Sensitive
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5 comments:
"Do you want me to take it out or just change the batteries?" was the question a surgical resident asked an ED patient after a barely vibrating dildo was found stuck inside him.
What! No pictures?
It broke off the strap-on the girlfriend was weilding?
Ugh! Don't know about the story, since once you are caught with a 12-inch dildo in your ass, who's gonna believe anything else you have to say? Where do I send flowers? LOL Have a good weekend.
You doctors really need to spread the word that heavy duty anal toys need heavy duty lips to fight anal suction and inevitable ED trips.
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