Wednesday, December 15, 2010
All, welcome our newest blogger, ER PA. He is a physician assistant in our ER, and put's my writing vernacular to a shame.
I was working the 12p-12a shift in the ER and grabbed this fateful chart at about 2230. As the chief complaint, it read "Pt states he is having a medication reaction." African American male in his 20's, taking Flagyl for a trich infection.
I go into the room and find the patient still wearing his hat sideways, grill in place, dressed in a gown. I introduce myself and ask him, "What kind of reaction are you having to this medicine?"
The patient, looking flustered, stands up ... faces me ... pulls his gown up to his chest ... and declares, "The medication I been takin is makin my penis smaller!!"
"Excuse me?" I reply.
"I took four of these pills last night, and they done made my penis smaller. And every time I'm smokin marijuana, my penis feels weird."
I'm a little ... surprised ... but keep pressing on.
"Did you happen to smoke marijuana before coming in tonight?" I expectantly asked.
"Yeah I did!"
We are having this conversation with his gown pulled up the entire time.
To either appease his fears or give him the benefit of the doubt, whichever, I examin the penis in question.
"Sir, I see nothing wrong with your penis ... and I really don't have anything to compare it to."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!?!" he said angrily, "I CAME HERE SO YOU COULD FIX THIS!! IT'S SMALLER ... AND WHAT ABOUT ALL THOSE WRINKLES!?!?!?!"
At this point, I want to hang my head in shame ... for him!
We then begin to have a conversation about how I have never heard of a medication causing anyone's penis to be smaller, and that I have no treatments whatsoever to make his penis longer.
"Why do you think it feels weird when I smoke my marijuana?"
"Well, sir, smoking marijuana probably doesn't help the situation. You should probably stop."
"Yeah ...I guess you're right. I should probably drink more water too, right?"
"Absolutely sir ... absolutely."
Posted by SerenityNow at 10:45 AM