tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post1006699704369823736..comments2024-01-24T21:28:29.675-08:00Comments on TALES FROM THE SERENITY NOW HOSPITAL: The Picture AlbumSerenityNowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-82489268475019815512011-04-15T08:43:55.331-07:002011-04-15T08:43:55.331-07:00I know that i'm late to this, but I just wante...I know that i'm late to this, but I just wanted to say that I'm sure the mother greatly appreciated the respect that you showed to her and her baby. My mother lost a set of twins 30 years ago, and the doctor at the time (who didn't believe that she was in premature labor when she called him initially) didn't even offer her the option of seeing their bodies, even though one did survive the birth for a short period of time. Later she was devasated that she never even saw them after carrying them for 26 weeks; it was her first pregnancy. (My sister and I were born at 31 weeks about a year later, and both did well, so there's a happy ending to that one). I hope that your patient also found solace, but also...maybe she should let off having babies so close together...that is just not healthy for mom or baby!sara r.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-38598655169158601732010-09-21T12:25:54.501-07:002010-09-21T12:25:54.501-07:00Thank you for the kindness you showed that patient...Thank you for the kindness you showed that patient. I had a fetal demise in 2008 in the 3rd trimester. It is horrible. The MD gave me a choice of being induced immediately or coming back the next day. I chose immediately. The pictures meant a lot.rnraquelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12679043874388955256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-28881441897905585492010-08-09T14:29:13.932-07:002010-08-09T14:29:13.932-07:00Thank you so much for putting that mom's needs...Thank you so much for putting that mom's needs before your own; that is what a great doctor does.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-81105676365969139612010-08-07T18:55:26.899-07:002010-08-07T18:55:26.899-07:00Hey...as a L&D/antepartum nurse who cares for ...Hey...as a L&D/antepartum nurse who cares for quite a few women and families experiencing perinatal loss, thanks for your compassion and being willing to see the pictures of her baby. It's difficult to see, and it's heartbreaking, but those simple gestures go a long way.<br /><br />Oh, and anonymous commenter #1...you are a clueless douche.CornflakeGirrlRNnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-11400705109265303292010-08-07T18:52:13.979-07:002010-08-07T18:52:13.979-07:00I'm a nurse and also someone who delivered a 3...I'm a nurse and also someone who delivered a 39.5 week stillborn son 8 years ago. They absolutely do not rush you to deliver, and in fact offer the option to go home, take some time to grieve, and then decide what is best for you. I chose immediate induction, but certainly did not have to.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-57233338816336421682010-08-06T11:51:37.903-07:002010-08-06T11:51:37.903-07:00Just to add, as a psychiatric nurse and having had...Just to add, as a psychiatric nurse and having had a second trimester miscarriage, it is better to allow time before induction, not to do c section or to give general anaesthetic. Otherwise it is much harder psychologically to accept if you are put to sleep / section etc. Altho in those first couple of days you do really wish for anything. <br /><br />Pictures / footprints etc are really important like psych doc says for grieving. It's the first thing people panic about in death is that they will forget someone.<br /><br />I'm in the UK but over here sands (stillbirth and neonatal death society) has good info on website / forum and helpline.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-19125322203666466882010-08-03T12:58:52.296-07:002010-08-03T12:58:52.296-07:00At the hospital in my town, there is a nurse who s...At the hospital in my town, there is a nurse who specializes in helping grieving families after a fetal demise,a stillbirth, or a neonatal death. <br />MAGAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-28165227392093641612010-08-02T16:25:35.297-07:002010-08-02T16:25:35.297-07:00When my sister lost her baby at around 32 weeks he...When my sister lost her baby at around 32 weeks he was already over 10lbs. They did a c-section but only after her blood sugar sky rocketed(reason the baby was so big) While visiting her in the hospital they brought the baby in for her to hold. She insisted on me holding him and I did it to help her but it still haunts me 9 yrs later. She also gave me pics but I threw them away.Kat79noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-54301675621001473852010-08-01T15:40:14.119-07:002010-08-01T15:40:14.119-07:00I know it might have hurt to look at the pictures ...I know it might have hurt to look at the pictures but it was the right thing to do. You will never know how much it helps those grieving to acknowledge their grief and the life of the infant. I myself went through this with my sister over a year ago and it was very traumatic. Unfortunately the hospital staff was not as nice as you were which made the whole ordeal more traumatizing. Keep up the wonderful work as patient care always includes compassion!<br /><br />-crazy med techlittlewings11https://www.blogger.com/profile/10583495583784969755noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-57964200741706627522010-08-01T06:14:15.362-07:002010-08-01T06:14:15.362-07:00Anne Le Mar has a point. I've read about Now I...Anne Le Mar has a point. I've read about Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, and what I've seen of sample pictures looked tasteful and touching. I can imagine that it means a lot, although I'm not sure what I'd want.<br /><br />As for the risks of a C-Section and future births, that's true, and I considered this. However, if (and that doesn't mean it's mandatory) someone feels like a deceased baby's birth would be far too traumatizing, the taking of the risk should at least be talked about.<br />On the other hand I could imagine that a very kind, good midwife could lead one through the process of actively birthing a dead infant, even if it means a lot of hours crying (from the sadness) in labour. If I had to choose that way, I'd make sure to get myself a walking PDA - 37 hours labour, which surely isn't the norm, sounds terrifying.<br /><br />[Sorry for commenting sparsely - blooger.com always shows up an error when I try to leave a comment with the open ID option, grr.]arzt4empfaengerhttp://arzt4empfaenger.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-79611095909421808162010-08-01T02:43:15.569-07:002010-08-01T02:43:15.569-07:00I don't usually comment on the blog though I e...I don't usually comment on the blog though I enjoy reading it, but having had 2 friends that have lost babies (one stillborn, other died shortly after birth) I can tell you how much it meant to her that you looked at those pictures.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-12682857617811813222010-08-01T01:27:34.200-07:002010-08-01T01:27:34.200-07:00It's hard for me to understand, but those pict...It's hard for me to understand, but those pictures do seem to mean the world to people. I remember one case where the family didn't do them, then later decided they wanted them - after pathology had the body. In the path department, they were trying to arrange this now long-dead fetus in an ok way, covered with blankets mostly. I think the pictures were ok, as far as the circumstances allowed. <br /><br />And - no one does a C-section because the mother doesn't need to have the damage to the uterus for a child that has no chance of being in distress. There is a limit to the number of C-sections a womb can take - they don't "waste" one on a stillborn infant.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-29307939426140378662010-07-31T22:58:29.978-07:002010-07-31T22:58:29.978-07:00The first Anonymous commenter, a few years ago I s...The first Anonymous commenter, a few years ago I stood in my kitchen as my best friend walked through my door and collapsed into my arms sobbing that her cousin's baby was dead. For two whole days she sat on my sofa, her phone in her hand waiting for news, and all the time she cried. <br />Her cousin finally went into full blown labour after those initial two days and it took her another 37 hours to deliver her child.<br />After her son was delivered her entire extended family visited that hospital room and posed for photographs with that baby boy. <br />Afterwards my best friend sat and talked to me about this cousin for months, how she would sit and hold her son's photo album and talk to him about his older sister and other things from her day. <br />I think seeing his face like that every day made it harder for her move on in the grieving process, it certainly made it difficult for her family because she wanted them to talk to her son as well.<br />Anonymous, I think that perhaps you need to expand your universe just a bit more and perhaps not be so judgemental. Things like this do happen, sadly all the time.Kathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00387669054450457077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-84472493235137367992010-07-31T20:20:39.464-07:002010-07-31T20:20:39.464-07:00I'm not in medicine, but I am in medical educa...I'm not in medicine, but I am in medical education. We have stories all the time like this, but worse from docs in class. Not only is it not uncommon for the parents to want to see their child, or take pictures when it's normal, but also when it's abnormal. To me, it's striking the number of people who have a child still-birthed with anencephaly or other horrible massively disfiguring defects that just want to see their child. To me this is no different than the family member who wants one last picture with their grandpa/ma even though they're sedated in hospice (personal experience with a family member), or the parent who wants to see their child's body in the morgue after a car accident. It's closure and pride in the same thought. We know the baby is dead, but we are still proud to be parents of the offspring we made, even though it did not survive. I hope I am never in her position and I have no idea what I would do.<br /><br />Also first anonymous, you are the epitome of every first year super gunner... that I fucking hate.hofnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-89329439057823593622010-07-31T11:29:03.917-07:002010-07-31T11:29:03.917-07:00However difficult it was for you to view those pic...However difficult it was for you to view those pictures, I can assure you that it meant the world to that mother. You showed her compassion and kindness that few people will do. No matter what, that is her *baby,* and she is grieving for her, just as the family I know who lost their 20yo daughter this week is grieving for her.<br /><br />For your (and anyone else's) future use, there is an organization of professional photographers who volunteer their time & services to provide portrait-quality photographs of babies who are stillborn or die shortly after birth. Not sure of the exact web site, but if you do a search for Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, the organization's name, you'll find it with no trouble. <br /><br />Very often photos taken by hospital staff or parents are very stark (as you have found out), but the NILMDTS photographers are able to take the images and soften them. Sometimes just changing them to black & white makes a world of difference. They are skilled at posing the baby to emphasize the more normal parts, hands and feet, for instance, and may add things to the photos, such as parent's wedding rings, the bassinet card, etc., in addition to taking photos of the baby with the parents. The photographer that took the pictures of my granddaughter was able to photoshop one, so that we have a picture of her with her twin brother. <br /><br />Thank you again for showing that mother such compassion. You said the images will stay with you a long time. She will never forget your kindness.Anne LeMarnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-73596145897317645992010-07-31T08:48:28.138-07:002010-07-31T08:48:28.138-07:00Thank you for being such a help to this very, very...Thank you for being such a help to this very, very sad mother, Psych Doc. It must have been very difficult, but as another reader pointed out, you were there for her and that is what mattered most.<br /> Again, thank you for your goodness.tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00121763456161256252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-31272978583500501912010-07-31T03:58:13.780-07:002010-07-31T03:58:13.780-07:00Browsing the internet over the years I have seen m...Browsing the internet over the years I have seen many grieving parents/families with pictures of babies who did not survive. It is very therapeutic and obviously has great meaning for those in mourning.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-87439250251151624002010-07-31T02:47:55.257-07:002010-07-31T02:47:55.257-07:00You did the best one could do for her in that situ...You did the best one could do for her in that situation. Thank you. I'm a bit appalled at the American health system every now and then* - as soon as a birth seems slighty prolonged (or if it doesn't fit the time table), a C-section is pushed, but in cases like this, there's no forensic risk of damage to the infant, so hey, let her deliver vaginally. Of course it's a matter of preference for the woman, but I would not want to deliver a dead infant. Although I'd never go for a C-Section otherwise, I would in this case.<br />Naturally this wouldn't be an emergency C-Section, but if the mother feels emotionally unable to birth her dead child, I think she should be granted the wish to get surgery (after a consult, optionally).<br /><br />Btw., did she tell you afterwards, whether or not she was glad to birth naturally in the end? Maybe she changed her mind retrospectively? Or was she still angry about the denied section? (I could imagine her grief being too much to still be troubled with this.)<br /><br />*There's more and more elective C-Sections in Germany, too, sadly, so I guess it's an international problem. Locums in L&D/OBGYN also have insane insurance rates.arzt4empfaengerhttp://sweet.bitter.chili.face@googlemail.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-75463389053434399882010-07-30T23:11:23.644-07:002010-07-30T23:11:23.644-07:00To the first Anonymous...
You may not always agre...To the first Anonymous...<br /><br />You may not always agree with our opinions. But why would I have any reason to make up a story about a dead baby? This was truly one of the most disturbing cases I've seen (trust me, that's saying a lot). I didn't post this to get readers or for any accolades. I don't give a shit how many people read this blog. The fact is, this blog is a type of therapy for us in addition to providing some insight into the lives of real doctors. I almost didn't post this because it upset me so much.<br /><br />I'm sorry you didn't get into medical school, or whatever axe it is that you feel the need to grind. If you were rejected by med schools, it seems rightfully so.<br /><br />I hope your wife or your sister never face the same fate as the patient I saw this week. If I treat them, I will show them the same compassion I showed the one in this post. What would you do?<br /><br />I feel sorry for you. And anyone who ever gave a shit about you. Because I bet those people are few in number.<br /><br />Thank you for re-defining the word "asshole".<br /><br />-Psych DocSerenityNowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11692300152273949586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-19376884052140776532010-07-30T22:47:57.600-07:002010-07-30T22:47:57.600-07:00Thank you for being there for her.Thank you for being there for her.Cnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-31268327915130919872010-07-30T22:15:44.471-07:002010-07-30T22:15:44.471-07:00Very rarely is a c-section indicated to deliver a ...Very rarely is a c-section indicated to deliver a deceased fetus. The mother has labor induced and goes on to deliver vaginally. Sometimes it does take several days for the induction process though.AtYourCervixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08238926588944507794noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-27995969868182934332010-07-30T20:45:04.322-07:002010-07-30T20:45:04.322-07:00I am a small town FP who does OBGYN. I have had ma...I am a small town FP who does OBGYN. I have had many a fetal demise and have never had to rush a patient for C section due to it. Let the body, and nature, take its course.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-5311203651753170532010-07-30T20:44:01.485-07:002010-07-30T20:44:01.485-07:00Rush the patient to the OR for a C section??? I do...Rush the patient to the OR for a C section??? I dont think so, not unless there is a medical emergency causing danger to the mom. Nice try, anon, but you are way off base and owe these bloggers an apology.RuralMDnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-26862999931882410802010-07-30T20:42:31.980-07:002010-07-30T20:42:31.980-07:00NIce pic!NIce pic!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1408616337296439010.post-89369071326026485832010-07-30T20:42:12.278-07:002010-07-30T20:42:12.278-07:00i mean how sad. hahai mean how sad. hahaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com